Holidays: time to reflect and reminisce

Thanks to Kate for the lovely bunch of flowers

The week between Christmas and the New Year is a very special time for me.  This year I don't have any babies due, and I am enjoying the 'holiday'.  I don't need to do much meal preparation, as we have leftovers from the Christmas feast to work through.  Tonight I have made a pot of risotto, with stock made from the turkey carcase, ham and vegetables.  We have plenty of fruit to enjoy: stone fruits from the trees in the back yard, and melon, pawpaw, cherries ... - more than we can eat.  Today the dehydrator is humming as a batch of apricots are being dried.  Noel has made up a couple of pots of jam - plum and apricot so far.  The figs will be ripening soon.

the second child

sister love

The work of preparation and thought and learning that went into bringing my first child into this world, caring for and nurturing her through each day and night, with varying degrees of success, contrasts strongly with the ease of doing the same things for my second child.

The epiphany I had experienced in the sudden realisation of a new and deep loving for my first child contrasts strongly with the ease of spontaneous expansion of my capacity to love my second child, and each subsequent child, individually and without reserve.

I have observed the 'second child' phenomenon many times, and talked with mothers about it.  As the months of the second pregnancy proceed there is often a niggling feeling of fear, that this wonderful mother-love that has been learned in the presence of the first, may in some way be threatened or diluted by the entry of the second into the home.  Whether this fear is articulated, or merely pondered, it's often there.

And the answer arrives with the transition of baby#2 from womb to arms.  How could I ever have doubted?

I am a second child.  I experienced first hand the realities of being second.  Parents who had done the hard yards, learning how to nourish, nurture, live with and teach a little person who is initially totally self-centred, how to think of others.  Parents for whom the routines of parenting are much easier the second time round.  And, the second child is never bored:  the older sibling is on hand, so capable, giving the younger a model to aspire towards.

My mother, Ella White, holding baby Rebecca, our second child

When my second child was born I spent a long time just looking at her.  She was wonderfully different from her sister.  Her darker complexion followed my features, while her sister was very fair.  My mother had come the long flight from Brisbane, Queensland, to Haslett, Michigan, and she nurtured me so that I was free to nurture my children.  She prepared simple meals that nourished my heart as well as my body.  She encouraged and supported her son-in-law.  Together we welcomed the second child into our home, and into our hearts, that had mysteriously enlarged to multiply the love that was available for our children.

I wonder if any of my readers have noticed the 'second child' phenomenon?

ps - Perhaps I handled my second child with greater confidence than the first?